Grief During the Holidays: How Giving Honors Your Loved One and Helps You Heal
The holidays can magnify grief in a way few other seasons do. Everywhere you turn, there are reminders of traditions, togetherness, and memories—some comforting, some heartbreaking. If you’re grieving, this time of year can feel like a mix of longing, heaviness, warmth, and pain all at once.
One of the most healing things we can do during this season is surprisingly simple: give.
Giving isn’t about pretending everything is ok. It’s about creating moments of meaning and allowing love—your love for the person you lost—to keep moving.
Why Giving Helps With Grief
Grief is a force that can overwhelm us with a sense of disconnection from our loved one. When we’re hurting, our instinct is often to withdraw, but many people find that intentional giving actually provides:
1. A Sense of Connection
When you’re grieving, you can feel disconnected from the world around you. Giving creates small moments of connection—moments where you feel part of the human experience again. While we can’t duplicate the connection we had with the loved one we lost, connection to others is key.
2. A Way to Channel Your Love
The love you had for the person you lost doesn’t disappear. Giving becomes a way to express that love, to let it move through you rather than sit painfully inside.
3. A Gentle Purpose During a Hard Season
The holidays can feel empty when someone important is missing. Giving gives purposeful action instead of stagnation, and a sense of “doing something” that honors them.
Think About What Was Special About the Person You Lost
Maybe donating to charities can reignite your heart…but maybe your heart is looking for something deeper, more meaningfully connected to your loved one.
Start by asking yourself:
What did I love most about them?
What mattered to them?
What kind of joy, kindness, or light did they bring into the world?
How did they make you feel when you were with them?
Maybe they were the one who always remembered the little things. Maybe they had a goofy sense of humor. Maybe they were the person who donated quietly to causes that mattered. Maybe they baked the best cookies, loved animals, or had a way of making people feel seen.
Hold onto that.
That essence of who they were.
Let Their Light Guide Your Giving
Once you’re connected to what was meaningful about them, choose a holiday gesture that reflects their spirit. This doesn’t have to be big or elaborate. It just needs to feel aligned.
Here are a few examples:
✦ If they loved cooking:
Bake their favorite holiday treat and gift it to friends, neighbors, or coworkers. Include a note:
“This was my mom’s favorite cookie recipe. Sharing it in her honor this year.”
✦ If they cared deeply about others:
Create small “kindness cards” inspired by them.
“My brother always went out of his way to help people. In his honor, please enjoy a coffee on me today.”
✦ If they had a specific passion:
Donate to a cause they loved—or better yet, donate in their name as your holiday gift.
✦ If they brought fun or joy into your life:
Do something playful or unexpected for someone else. Let that spark remind you of them.
✦ If they were deeply nurturing:
Make a comfort basket for someone going through a tough time, or visit with an elderly person who normally doesn’t get vistors.
✦ If they were the an “acts of service” person:
Offer to help someone put up their Christmas lights or wrap their presents for them. Volunteer at a food pantry, shelter or donation center.
Whatever you choose, the act becomes a bridge: part memory, part love, part healing.
Keeping Their Light Alive
One of the most painful parts of grief is the fear that the person you love will fade or be forgotten. But when you give to others in ways that reflect who they were, you keep their light moving in the world.
Their influence continues.
Their essence continues.
Their love—through you—continues.
You’re not “moving on.”
You’re moving with them in a new way.
Your Grief Deserves Gentleness
If giving feels too big this year, that’s okay. If it feels comforting, lean into it. There is no right way to grieve and no right timeline.
But if you feel a pull toward honoring your loved one by extending their spirit outward, let that be a source of warmth in a season that can feel cold.
And remember:
Every act of giving in their name is a quiet ‘I love you’ that echoes forward.
If your grief feels “a little extra” this holiday season, connect with a grief therapist to help you through. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give to yourself is the invitation for someone to walk alongside you when you need it most.
