Understanding Your Inner Critic: How IFS Therapy Helps You Turn Self-Criticism Into Self-Compassion
What Is the Inner Critic?
Almost everyone has an inner voice that says things like:
“I should’ve known better.”
“Why can’t I ever get it right?”
“I’m such a mess.”
“Other people don’t struggle like this.”
“If I was actually good at what I do, I’d have it figured out by now.”
This inner critic can be relentless. It shows up after a mistake, before taking a risk, or even when things are going well — whispering that it’s never quite enough.
In my experience as a therapist (and as a human on my own healing journey), an inner critic can be especially tricky when you are great at providing “the right answers” to others…yet struggle applying the same advice to ourselves. It becomes our own torturous version of imposter syndrome.
Most of us assume this voice is a flaw — something to silence or ignore. But from an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, your inner critic actually has a purpose: it’s trying to help you, just in a painful and misguided way.
From an IFS Perspective: The Inner Critic as a Protector
IFS therapy teaches that we all have different “parts” inside us — aspects of our personality that carry emotions, memories, and roles. Think of the Disney movie “Inside Out”: Sadness, Anger, Fear, Disgust and Joy could be thought of as “parts” who were all trying to help the main character nagivate life, each trying to help her in their own way.
Your inner critic is usually a protector part: it believes that being hard on you will keep you safe from failure, rejection, or shame.
For example:
It might criticize your appearance because it fears being judged.
It might tear apart your work because it’s terrified of being seen as inadequate.
It might replay old mistakes because it thinks perfection is the only way to avoid rejection.
In its own distorted way, the critic is trying to protect you from pain — even though it causes pain in the process.
Why Fighting Your Inner Critic Doesn’t Work
When we try to silence or “get rid of” the inner critic, it usually fights back harder.
That’s because this part believes that if it stops criticizing, everything will fall apart — you’ll fail, get hurt, or lose control.
IFS therapy offers a different approach: turn toward that voice with curiosity instead of fear.
Try gently asking:
“What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t criticize me right now?”
Often, you’ll discover something tender underneath — a younger, frightened part that once learned that being perfect or “on guard” was the only way to stay safe.
How IFS Therapy Helps You Heal the Inner Critic
Working with an IFS-informed therapist can help you:
Understand your critic’s real motives instead of believing its words at face value.
Access your Self energy — that calm, compassionate inner presence that can hold all parts with understanding.
Build a new relationship with the critic so it doesn’t have to use shame to protect you.
As healing unfolds, many people notice the critic transforming. It becomes less punishing and more protective — like an internal voice that says, “I just want to make sure you’re okay,” rather than “You’re never enough.” This inner critic voice might never go away completely, but it can defintely be taken out of the driver’s seat of your life path.
From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion
Your inner critic doesn’t need to be silenced — it needs to be understood.
When you learn how to meet that voice with curiosity and compassion, you begin to free yourself from the cycle of shame and perfectionism it pushing. As an IFS-informed therapist, I’ve seen clients quickly move to a feeling of relief when their inner critic is met with compassion: it softens once it feels understoood and appreciated for the job it has been trying to do, and only then can it consider the possibility that there might be other ways you can feel safe and protected.
IFS therapy can help you transform your inner critic into an ally — one that helps you grow instead of holding you back.
